


Big Dick Energy

by Soberkitty



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: ALL POINTS NO QUILLS BABY, Charikard, Handsome Jackpot dlc, Jack takes this dick matter very seriously, What a time to be in quarantine huh?, and he is pleasantly surprised, like ALOT, mentions of dick - Freeform, specifically Timothy's, thank you to the very lovey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23558881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soberkitty/pseuds/Soberkitty
Summary: If Jack's doppelgangers were all modified to look exactly like him, does Timothy have the same dick as him?The answer is no because Timothy has a big dick and Jack couldn't be happier!
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Big Dick Energy

Timothy had started the day like any other. Wake up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, take a shower, the usual. Nothing seemed too different and he felt secured for the first time in a while. Sure the new face he stared at every morning now was an unpleasant experience but the lavish apartment, abundant food, and paid off debt sure made him look past it. 

Still, he tried not to lose himself to who he is nowadays. Difficult since there's hardly a trace of the old him anywhere now. It was just Jack. One in a sea of Handsome Jack's that all knew their role. Play the part, make it believable, and if you die, good job, you made an assassin think you were the real thing! 

Timothy didn't want to die though, no matter the "honor" it was supposed to be. All he had cared about was his student loans and the fact that he probably would be dead if he didn't take this job. Colleges send out assassin's as debt collector's.

He hadn't been booked for any event that Jack was supposed to attend yet since he was still in the "In Progress" group even though he already looked and sounded exactly like him. Acted like him too but he tried to keep it to a minimum unless he needed to for testing. 

He didn't know how many more changes he could take at this point but it wasn't like he could back out of it now. Unless he really did want to die, because really, that was the only outcome for even asking. 

Timothy pinched the space between his eyes and closed the shitty little manual he had been reading titled 'Be Like Jack! (but not really)'. God what the fuck did he get himself into. Everyone hated Jack, and wanted him dead, with good reason too. But they wanted his lookalikes dead too. The Crimson Raiders were already taking out doppelgangers one by one and he knew he would be next if he was booked for a public event.

Before he could sulk further in his horrible life choices, his watch flickered to life with an incoming Echo message. A holo Jack appeared with a prerecorded message.

"Good morning you handsome devils, Handsome Jack here with today's schedules! Today you will be required to attend a mandatory lineup for inspection at 2 o'clock! All "In Progress" doppelgangers will be inspected by your very own favorite leader, Me! You will also be required to go commando kiddo and for your sake, shave your nutsack or you will be shot on sight! See you suckers there!

The hologram flickered away and Timothy was left with the shock of what he was just asked to do by his employer.

~

Timothy did a once over again in the mirror looking at the mustard Hyperion sweater under the worn leather jacket. The standard Jack outfit as of now that was comfortable and easy. Unfortunately, this was probably the most uncomfortable he's ever been. He adjusted the crotch of his pants for the 3rd time since he's put them on and huffed. 

Jack's message had been clear but also…not. Why did he not have to wear underwear? What purpose did it serve? Why was he asked to...clean up? Was this another test? Was Jack testing them like this? 

Every answer Timothy could think of just led to more questions. Does Jack even...wear boxers? Timothy immediately pushed the thought away. He was not about to think of his bosses dick at a time like this. He was going to be late too if he didn't leave now. He ran a hand through the bird nest of hair on his head and strode out the door.

~

All twenty Jack doppelgangers stood in a line in the hall outside one of the testing labs. They would call groups of five in, meaning, Timothy would be in the second to last group of Jack's. He discreetly pulled down his sweater a bit and adjusted his pants again. God he hated this. He felt every shift and movement he made and it only served to make this whole thing even weirder than it already was.

His shifting was also due to the nervousness he felt about the prospect of meeting Handsome Jack for the first time since the guy’s promotion. Face to face with the charismatic and douchebag leader of Pandora, self proclaimed that is. A feat not many lived to tell the tale of. Yet here he was standing in line to possibly be shot for who knows what AND his dick was squished into tight pants. 

He also felt like everyone was staring. He hadn't seen any one of them adjust themselves as much as he was but maybe they were used to it? They all got the exact same message so of course they were all probably feeling the same thing he did. Maybe he should take comfort in that but nothing made this situation sound better.

It only got worse when the doors opened again and a Loaderbot stepped out, dragging 2 doppelgangers, both very dead and…pant less. Upon seeing the trail of blood after them, it was clear their...well, dicks had been shot off and Timothy felt sick. It took every bit of him not to run the other way as a scientist walked out after them, clipboard in hand, and motioned the first of his line to come in. He had to adjust his pants again but he just looked ahead and kept walking.

They were led to a dimly lit room where armed men already stood, guns in hand. Blood was smeared on the floor, old and new. Timothy could see the collective fear in his colleagues eyes that probably mirrored his own (quite literally) and he felt a chill. He didn't bother to hide his adjustment now, pulling the crotch of his pants as best as he can for some room. What did he have to lose now.

The scientist told them to stop and wait, before moving down the line to look at all of them collectively. She scribbled on her clipboard after each one she looked up and down from. When she got to Timothy he tensed up and just looked straight ahead on impulse. Unbeknownst to him, when she looked him over she had to do a double take half way down. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the very noticeable bulge in his pants that was unlike the others she had previously glanced over. Particularly the size.

She cleared her throat and smoothed back her hair before checkmarking his box on the clipboard. She then stepped back so that the group could all see her.

"Welcome gentlemen, this will be your final examination before you are cleared as an official body double for our glorious leader Handsome Jack. Jack will personally examine you all to every fine detail as this matter is very important to him and his image. I will now ask for you all to please remove your pants."

Timothy couldn't move. There's no way she said that right? No, this was some kind of bad dream he was having, it had to be. He would wake up any minute and he'd be in bed, ready to start a REAL day. But it wasn't and every doppelganger in the room proceeded to remove their pants and they were just as bare as he was. 

He looked down at his own pants and with shakey hands, started to remove them as well. He was going a bit slow he knew it, but this was probably the most embarrassing thing he'd ever done. He would be meeting his boss like this? Maybe it was meant to intimidate them all? The armed men standing behind them seemed to do that just fine though. He wished they would just kill him already.

Once he slid his pants down all the way he just looked straight ahead again. He heard a light gasp and a few cleared throats and then all was silent. The upside he guessed is his junk wasn't suffocating now. 

A conversation was heard coming down the hallway, the sliding doors opening just in time to catch the end of it.

"-I don't care how you do it, just get it done Blake!”

It was him, Timothy realized. His footsteps echoed through the silence of the room and Tim heard the smirk in his voice before even seeing him. 

"Sorry to keep you kids waiting, business doesn't run itself ya know." 

He strided right to the female scientist.

"You know what I mean right sweetheart? Of course you don't" he finished before she could answer. 

The woman only looked slightly annoyed,"Of course sir, are you ready to begin, because I already have a candidate for what you're-" 

"Ah ah ah, you can show me after we're done here sugar tits. I'm not usually too crazy about looking at dicks but since this is me we're talking about here, it's gotta be perfect and-" 

Timothy drowned their voices out with the rapid beating of his heart. His face felt hot but luckily the mask hid whatever noticeable color that would be there. He heard them going down the line. He didn't dare to look at Jack, afraid just to make eye contact. 

This definitely wasn't like the last job he had. Had his boss really called them all here just to...look at their dicks to see if they suited to his liking? Timothy had thought about all kinds of scenarios to this examination but he really hadn't thought of any like this.

As he contemplated what exactly he'd do once they got to him he was startled by Jack's laugh at the doppelganger next to him.

"God what even is that!” Jack wheezed. “it's like a freaking mini sausage next to two bebe bullets holy shit!” He wiped at an imaginary tear as he laughed. “What do you even do with that, pinch it?" He waved at one of the guards. "Let me see if I got this. You’re...Jared right?" The double nodded nervously. "Well Jared, I'd kill you but I'd much rather you just disappoint someone in the future so...see ya!" 

The guard roughly seized him and began dragging him away, still naked and in shock. Timothy also realized that the other doppelgangers were already pulling their pants back up.

"HOLY HELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!" 

Timothy practically jumped out of his skin as Jack was in front of him now, voice once again taking the entire room. 

"Jeez people why the fuck is THIS the last guy you pencil pushers show me, huh?! Dudes got two baseballs and a bong here!"

It took Timothy a moment to realize they were talking about him. His face burned from Jack and everyone's gaze on him. Did Jack really just call his dick a bong? Please, if some act of any god would just kill him now he would be thankful.

"Wow kid, you probably do some serious damage huh?"

"I...uh...I don't um-" Timothy stuttered. How was he even supposed to answer? 

He was face to face with Jack, with his pants down and every eye on him in the room. Yet he was supposed to answer like everything was fine. Like his dick wasn't out and he wasn't close to just offing himself at the moment.

Timothy figured he was...well off in this department but he wasn't the kind of person to openly talk about it. He certainly wasn't a virgin but his first time had been so awkward and uncomfortable that he didn't bother to worry himself with it again. Whatever man or woman that caught his eye, he would just turn the other way to avoid embarrassing himself then actually do something about it.

But this...this was worse.

"Hello? Kid, I know you're a huge fan and all but if you don't tell me your name I'm just gonna call you Big Dick"

Timothy hated this but he was not about to be dubbed THAT by Handsome Jack.

"Timothy! Timothy Lawrence, sir."

"Tim?! Holy crap, man, after all we’d been through and you didn’t tell me you were packing this heat?" Jack swung an arm around his shoulders, "Well Tim, I got quite the job for someone of your...length. Top secret, very important project I'm working on, and you're just the double I need to stand in my place! For the time being of course. Oh and call me Jack buddy.” 

Timothy perked up. A personal placement? Not just a regular event double but a...stationed double. Those jobs have a way better life expectancy! Maybe this wasn't so bad after all!

"I'd be honored sir- I mean, Jack."

Timothy stretched out his hand to shake Jack's out of formality. Jack immediately took it and leaned a bit closer to him.

"Might wanna pick your pants up el hungo, you're already making people drool in here."

Timothy became flustered again and noticed the scientist and even nearby guard eyeing him like candy. He quickly rushed to lift up his pants again and hazardly buttoned up again.

Jack chuckled and patted him on the back, and turned to the scientist, "We're done here." And started walking away.

Timothy stayed where he was and silently celebrated for not only surviving but for being the one Jack picked! This could set him for life, he could live comfortably and only appear when absolutely needed! Sure he didn't even know where he was going yet but what the hell did it matter now!

"Hey Big Dick, you coming or what?"

Jack was calling him to follow and Timothy practically ran to catch up with him.

As soon as he was next to him, Jack swung an arm around him again and smirked

"So kiddo, how would you like to work at a casino?"

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a fun little fic idea I thought of while having a conversation with my best friend and since I have no impulse control I decided to actually write and finish it
> 
> Check out his stuff too if you got time   
> UN: Charikard
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
